Kim Brown - Author of Erotic Romance

Annette's Advice
for
Guys Seeking Girls

You may be interested in casual relationships with no strings attached, or you may be interested in finding Ms. Right for a serious long-term relationship. Either way, there are a number of considerations for improving your chances, and paving the way to success in your efforts to become involved with women.
First, make sure youíre clear about what you want, and the difference between the two ends of the spectrum. Making no judgements here and not saying right or wrong about either, but there are some things that youíll be better off understanding.
If you have sex after first meeting someone, or on the first date, then itís only sensible to assume that itís a one night stand, and not the beginning of a courtship. Letís be real, if youíre interested in getting involved with someone for a potential LTR then getting sexually involved early on is a bad idea. Sex is often an emotional experience, and that will only cloud your judgement. Get to know the person first. You could have great sex only to discover that you donít really like each other. Itís important to have connections, to like the person, to have things in common that you enjoy together, and to have similar values. You may date a number of girls without becoming sexually involved before you find someone that seems to be a good fit. Yes, you may be quite attracted to each other. Wonderful. But there are too many other considerations if youíre looking for a mate. You really need to spend time together in different situations before you can figure each other out. So, donít rush into it. (Wow, canít believe I said that).
If, on the other hand, youíre interested in being a player and only getting involved for the sex then try to be sure that the other person understands that. You should avoid misleading the other person or creating any hurt feelings. That can be a little tough because you canít always know what the other personís intention is, and having a discussion about it is not conducive to seducing someone. But like I said above, if itís a first date or a first encounter and youíre becoming sexually involved then it should be obvious that itís about the sex. If theyíre reluctant to get sexually involved then youíre best not to force it or to take advantage of a situation (theyíve had too much to drink, theyíre really attracted to you and really horny, theyíre just out of a break-up, or any combination of those). Let that one go if you get the impression that she really wants more than a one night stand. Itís the thing to do, so no one gets hurt. Also, I would steer clear of anyone whoís married. Itís just not worth the damage it may cause, nor is that the type of person you want to be involved with.
Oh, and when it comes to sexual relationships, always practice safe sex. You can google that if you need to, please do. Make sure youíre safe from STDs and unwanted pregnancy. Thereís much good information about that elsewhere so I wonít go into it here.

Okay. Down to the brass tacks of attracting and getting involved with women. There are several bullet points which Iíll give further details about:

Good Looks

Yes, being good looking is an advantage, and will get womenís attention. But for most women good looks are not as important as it is for most men.
But what, exactly, does ďgood looksĒ mean? There are any number of physical attributes that may make a person sexually attractive to include hair, eye color, height, body shape, and facial features. Most of that is pretty much built-in and beyond your control. You could be tall or short, skinny or stocky, whatever hair color, thin hair or thick hair or balding, have a big nose or a small nose. Maybe you feel like your nose is too big, or that your chin is too small. Some people have great facial structure and proportion that most people are immediately attracted to. Others, not so much. But unless youíre interested in cosmetic surgery then none of that matters. Why spend a moment worrying about something that you canít control?
You should also realize that we all have our preferences. You have yours. You may prefer women with blue eyes. That doesnít make women with brown eyes ugly or inferior. So, just because a woman that turns you on doesnít find you to be attractive doesnít mean anything. That has to do with her preferences which, again, you canít control. Donít spend a heartbeat worrying about why somebody doesnít find you appealing. Just move on, thereís plenty of other women who will find you appealing one way or another. And when two people are attracted to each other is when the magic happens.

Your Best Presentation

Now, hereís something you can control. Always look your best. So, take care of yourself. Maybe you need to lose some weight, or maybe you could stand to add a little beef. Those are all lifestyle choices that have an impact on your health and well-being. Donít bother with diets or fads. Eat healthy, make sure youíre getting good nutrition and eating foods that are good for you, at least for the most part. (Yes, Iím eating cake at the birthday party. No, Iím not eating cake every night of the week).
Be physically active. Exercise is important. Youíve got to use your body. It could be some type of yoga. Cardiovascular exercise is important. You may also be interested in some type of weight lifting or strength training which can add the beef I mentioned. Some combination of exercise, stretching, and movement will be really great for you. So, figure out what works for you and do it.
Be Mr. Clean. Always tend to your personal hygiene. Guys that smell bad are always a turn off. You donít necessarily have to wear cologne or any type of scent. Sometimes the way a guy smells, his own natural scent, is a real turn on. If youíre prone to sweat then wear a deodorant, unscented might be best.
Guys that look sloppy or unkempt are a turn off. So stay clean, and shave every day. Some guys go for the five oíclock shadow look, and that can work. But if youíve got facial hair, itís usually not appealing if itís out of control.
Your hairstyle is also something that you can control, so figure out what works for you and maintain it. You can, of course, always change your hairstyle, grow a mustache, or shave off your beard. But youíve got to have a take on what works for you and make that happen. Donít leave it to chance. Donít neglect it. Women will notice, even if itís on a subconscious level it will make a difference.
If youíre hair is really thin, or mostly bald on top then consider keeping it all really close or even shaving it off altogether. Bald men can be quite appealing. But the reality is, youíve got to work with what youíve got. So donít try to disguise it or hang on to something that really doesnít look good.
The clothes make the man. Always pay attention to what you wear, women will notice. Yes, a man with expensive clothing may stand out. What kind of car does he drive? Thatís something else women may notice. An expensive car says something about the man, and perhaps his ability to provide. Or, maybe itís a perception of status and power which can also be a compelling aspect of a manís presentation. But letís get real. You have to work within your budget. The important thing is to wear clothes that look good on you, whatever the occasion. They donít necessarily have to be expensive, but they should fit well, work well with your physique, and the colors should work well with your hair color and complexion. Some people look better in certain colors. Youíll need to figure that our for yourself. And, of course, you get to decide on your own style. But, again, donít leave it to chance. Tattered, dirty clothes, or clothes that donít fit well are not a turn on.
This business of your presentation is largely subjective. So, it might not hurt to get a few honest opinions from women friends about what works well on you.
Of course, the most important thing that you wear is the look on your face. Do you remember ever being told, ďdonít make that face or it will stay that way?Ē Well, I think there may be some truth to that. I have to wonder about some people I see. They always have a grimace on their face, like theyíre in the middle of the last rep of a really strenuous weight lifting routine, or maybe they always have a scowl on their face, or some other odd, unpleasant expression. So, just be aware. Whatís your default expression when youíre not really thinking about anything? Make it a pleasant one.

Be Yourself

Huh? What, exactly, does be yourself mean? If you knew who yourself was then you wouldnít be reading this. So, Iím not sure if thatís great advice. I always wondered why parents said that to their teenagers.
On the other hand, be genuine. Donít try to be something that youíre not. Donít be pretentious for the sake of trying to impress a girl. Sooner or later theyíll see through it. Besides, nobody needs the stress and confusion of trying to put on a bogus faÁade. It ainít how I want to live. So, from that standpoint, maybe ďbe yourselfĒ is actually good advice.

Confidence

is everything. You canít love anybody else if you canít love yourself. So, youíve got to be confident and have positive self-esteem. That doesnít mean you have to be a dick, and thereís no excuse for being rude. But you want to be at peace with yourself, and whatever directions your life is going in. Yes, I think all of us are a work in progress, but you can still enjoy being in the moment.
If youíre anxious, women will smell it a mile away, so be confident. Really, youíve got nothing to lose. Never get emotionally perturbed by someone you donít even know. Yes, sheís beautiful. Yes, sheís got the best looking ass, tits, mouth (whatever, pick your favorite body part) that youíve ever seen! Who cares? Sheís nobody to you at this point. A lot of guys make that mistake. Theyíve got such a ridiculous jones for a good looking woman that they come unglued and totally ruin whatever chance they may have had. No words need to be exchanged, she may not even look at you, but sheís already read your body language, and is not interested. So, keep the attitude that you can take it or leave it. Doesnít matter how good looking you think she is. Why get hung up if someoneís not interested? Thatíll never get you laid. If they have an interest in you then pursue it. If not, you leave it and move on.
So, stay relaxed, stay confident. Get in the habit of exuding confidence with a pleasant and confident demeanor. Let your body movement express that as well, that youíre in control, with grace, with ease, with decisiveness. Women will notice even if itís on a subconscious level and theyíll gravitate toward you.
Now, some of you guys may be thinking, ďbut Iím a virgin. Iíve got nothing to be confident about!Ē Oh, dude, relax. It ainít brain surgery. Youíll be fine if you just take it easy and let yourself enjoy it.

The Three Second Rule

You could be pretty much anywhere like a bar, the grocery store, a coffee shop, or the gym. If you see a woman that youíre attracted to and she appears to be available then youíve got three seconds.
Wait! What? Three seconds to do what?
Three seconds to start a conversation with her.
But, Iím kind of shy. I havenít got that kind of audacity.
Okay, stay home. Donít put yourself out there. See where that gets you.
Okay, so I need to put myself out there. But three seconds is ridiculous.
Okay, maybe you donít break your neck trying to get across the room and speak to her within three seconds. Maybe itís five.
Yeah, but I still need more time to think about it.
No. Thatís the whole point. More time means what? It means you have time to think about it. And what are you going to think? Well, it doesnít matter what youíre going to think. Itís indecisive and sheís already determined that youíre a dweeb, and you havenít got a chance.
No words need to be exchanged, she may not even look at you, but sheís already read your body language. Women tend to have better peripheral vision. They tend to read body language better than men, and pick up on subtle expressions. Itís almost like weíve got eyes in the back of our head. So, waiting around while you ruminate about it is never a good idea. Three seconds.
Alright, three seconds. How do I think that fast and come up with something to say.
Well, saying anything is always better than waiting around. And itís okay if you fall flat on your face. Expect that you will! Failure is a great thing. Itís how we learn. Youíll get better at it. But only if you put yourself out there, and don't let yourself be crushed by rejection.
So, look around. Be observant. Make a conversation thatís relevant to the situation. Compliment her. Say something about her jewelry or her hair. Donít tell her she has a great looking ass, or that sheís beautiful! She made a choice about her jewelry, her clothing, and how sheís wearing her hair. Complimenting her along those lines will make more of an impression.
Make her laugh. Everybody likes to laugh, and it helps loosen her up.
Make her feel good about herself without being disingenuous. Women will remember how you make them feel more than the exact words you say or what you look like.
Okay, so she blows you off. Of course she blows you off. She may be out and about with no interest in meeting a guy, or maybe sheís already involved with somebody. Or maybe she gets hit on all the time and she pretty much blows everybody off even if she is interested in meeting someone. Thatís an interesting situation. You really do want to be gracious and leave her alone if sheís not interested. But in some cases she may actually be waiting for someone whoís got enough balls not to be crushed by her rejection, and whoís willing to keep trying. Sheís just separating the wheat from the chaff. Itís the guy with more confidence and persistence whoís going to get her attention. But be careful with that one. You donít want to be rude or impose yourself on somebody whoís not interested. Good luck. Not always an easy call. Youíve got to be able to think on your feet.
Okay, so she blows you off, and sheís really not interested. Expect that to happen. There are plenty of fish in the proverbial sea. You just move on. Thatís not necessarily a failure on your part. Thatís just one step closer to someone who is interested. Hey, why get hung up about it? Enjoy the process, the thrill of the chase. Youíll get better at it.

Porn

Donít bother. Do you want to feel yourself up and get off while looking at naked women on a computer screen, or do you want to meet women? As much as you may be drawn to it, and as much as it may turn you on, you canít touch it, you canít talk to the person on the screen, and thereís no interaction. And the videos are usually terrible. I swear, most of those guys donít have a clue how to treat a women. If thatís their idea of making love then no thanks. Looking at porn is really a selfish act that does nothing for anyone else. And it wonít teach you what to say, how to interact, or how to handle yourself with women. If you want to become a mature sexual person, donít waste a minute looking at porn. One conversation with a woman youíre attracted to is worth more than a thousand pictures.

Alright, gentlemen. Hope all of this makes sense. The rest is up to you. So get out there, mix it up with the ladies, and enjoy the adventure!
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